Bar Mitzvah 101

What is a Bar Mitzvah

Note: "Bar Mitzvah" refers to a boy, "Bat Mitzvah" refers to a girl, and "B'nai Mitzvah" is a general, gender neutral term

At the most basic level, the bar/bat/b'nai mitzvah is the Jewish coming of age, at which point the child is responsible for their own actions and is considered to be an adult within the faith. In modern Jewish practice, this occurs at age 13 for boys and age 12 for girls. While this automatically "happens" there is also a tradition of an associated rite of passage and celebration, although not all Jews do this.

Typically this involves the child taking an active part in Friday night and Saturday morning services on a Shabbat close to their birthday. Training for this specific event usually begins at least a year before the ceremony and includes learning the portions of text they will be chanting/reading in Hebrew, the prayers they will be leading, and preparing a commentary on their Torah portion. In Asher's case this has been in addition to his Hebrew language learning and normal religious school of the past few years.

For more information on what the service will entail, see What to Expect.

What to Expect at the Synagogue

For a lot of our guests, this will be the first Bar Mitzvah they are attending, and there have been a lot of questions. If you have a specific question or concern, please let us know.

I’m not Jewish…

Will I feel welcome or out of place?

We belong to Congregation Micah, a reform synagogue that is welcoming to all people and all faiths. Inclusivity, openness, and approachability are hallmarks of our congregation, and we are sure you will feel welcome, even if it is your first time in a synagogue. In addition to folks who were born and raised Jewish, our congregation has a lot of interfaith families (like ours!) and people who chose Judaism as adults.

If you want to learn about the different Jewish movements, these two aricles provide a good overview:

Will I/Should I wear a head covering/kippah/yarmulke?

A kippah, or head covering (called a yarmulke in Yiddish), is traditionally (but not always) worn by males during the service and may also be worn by females. Wearing a kippah is not a symbol of religious identification, but is rather an act of respect to God and the sacredness of the worship space. Just as people may be asked to remove their hats in a church, or remove their shoes before entering a mosque, wearing a head covering is a non-denominational act of showing respect.

Will I/Should I wear a prayer shawl?

The tallit, or prayer shawl, is a religious garment reserved for Jews. The braided fringes at the four corners of the tallit remind its wearer to observe the commandments of Judaism.

What about all the sitting and standing?

Jewish worship services involve a lot of sitting and standing for different prayers etc. Just follow your neighbors or the rabbi’s instructions and you’ll be fine. If standing up and sitting down repeatedly is difficult for you, feel free to remain sitting. It’s important to note that the standing and sitting (unlike kneeling or bowing) do not constitute any affirmation of religious belief, it is a customary sign of respect. If there is anything you aren’t comfortable doing, feel free to remain standing or sitting as you wish at that point (no one is going to be paying attention to you).

I don't speak Hebrew, will I be able to follow along?

As is typical at our synagogue, the service will contain a mixture of English and Hebrew. Since many members and guests do not speak Hebrew at all, or are learning it, they usually project translations and phonetic transliterations of the Hebrew on the sanctuary screens. For the reading of the Torah, etc, we will provide a printed translation in the program. Additionally, our rabbis are very accustomed to doing bar mitzvahs and other services with non-Jews and non-Hebrew speakers and they do a great job helping everyone understand and appreciate what it happening.

Outline and significance of service portions

1. Asher will be called for an aliya–to say a blessing over the reading.

The Torah reading on Shabbat (Saturday) morning is divided into sections. Prior to each section, a person or persons is called to the front of the synagogue (the bima) to recite a short blessing over the reading. Only adults 13 and older are allowed to receive an aliyah, which is considered a great honor. The Bar Mitzvah ceremony is the opportunity for the Asher's first aliyah.

2. Asher will read/chant the weekly Torah portion in Hebrew.

This requires a significant amount of training and tutoring for the child to be able to read Hebrew (additionally Torah’s do not use vowels) and learn the unique music that goes with every Torah reading (the trope).

3. Asher will chant the Haftarah reading associated with his Torah portion.

Every Torah reading is thematically associated with a reading (the Haftarah) from The Prophets, sacred books that are not part of the Torah, which includes only the first five books of Moses. As with the Torah reading, learning the Haftarah and its music takes time and training.

4. Asher will deliver a commentary (drasha) on the ideas and lessons of his Torah reading.

5. Asher will help lead the rest of the service, including the associated prayers.

6. Asher will say the blessings over the post-service Kiddush luncheon.

Gifts

One of the most frequent questions is "what should I give for a bar mitzvah?"

Traditionally, as the bar mitzvah signifies a boy maturing into an adult in the eyes of the religion (and in the olden days he might start to set up his own household), cash or more adult/commemorative gifts are usually given to celebrate this rite of passage. It is common when giving money to make it a multiple of 18 for extra luck, because in Hebrew the number "18" is also the word "life."